Luahan Hati

“Angah balik 4.30 harini.”
The girl kissed her mother’s lips, got onto her motorcycle, waved goodbye and sped off to school. The house was lively that morning, it usually always is. Their neighbours would often glance out the window, wondering what’s the ruckus happening outside. That day, her family saw her off like any other day, shouting ‘I love you’ to each other, oblivious to the fact that their lives were about to change forever.

Little did they know that the girl was never coming back home again.

Mysterious thing, time. It’s as if it has wings, flying by so fast without you even noticing it. One day you’re a seven-year-old scrawny looking kid, just starting school, wishing you’d grow up fast. And then quietly, ten years pass by and you’re suddenly seventeen. You’d think you’d be seventeen for quite a while but then in a blink of an eye, you’re somehow twenty! The age keeps on increasing - it’s overwhelming, thinking about it.

But the girl, she only lived until she was seventeen. Throughout her seventeen years of existence, she had brought immense joy and happiness to her family. She was naughty when she was younger, and her and her older sister, they used to fight about the pettiest things. Despite that, she was an affectionate sibling, a very dear daughter to her parents. Sometimes she’d act like the eldest. She cooked and cleaned – she was someone they all could rely on. The family grew closer as they grow older and learned to appreciate one another. It’s a shame though, that their time together was predestined to be limited. Seventeen years may seem like a long time to some, but when you’re spending it with the ones you love, time becomes insignificant.

Nowadays, when I receive a phone call in the morning, especially from my mother, my heart doesn’t beat as intense as they used to, my hands no longer tremble out of fear. I watched an old video of us, your voice sounded so warm and simply, so you, that it made me conscious of how different things are without you. Watching you being immortalized in a video reminded me how alive you once were, that you’re real and I feel sad and guilty because truthfully, I had actually forgotten how the melody of your voice sounded like. Little by little, the memories I try hard to grasp on slowly fades away. Sad, yes, but what can I do?

Whenever something good happens to me, if anyone was happier than I was, it would be you. You were selfless like that. A kind soul that wishes nothing but the best for me. You looked up to me, had me positioned at a pedestal so high, that I didn’t deserve to be on. I still remember how happy you were when I told you my SPM result. You were so ecstatic by the news that you cried. The way you reacted to the news was ridiculous to me at that time, silly even. But now, I miss it more than anything. I wish the moment could re-enact itself, I wish I had it recorded. I wish I had everything that you did, your whole life – recorded.

It wasn’t until you’re gone that I realized how much you mean to me. I love you so much, Agun. 

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