What would you feel, when you receive a phone call from your mother, who's in hysterics, telling you in rasped breaths that your sister, which was healthy and happy just two days before you last met her is now in fact, dead?

Shock and denial were what i initially felt. 
"Bonda cakap betul betul, jangan main main!" 
"Betul long, angah dah takde!"
Immediately after that, i felt as if i was suffocating. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't comprehend the news. Tak mungkin agun dah takde.  She's my sister, it's impossible.

Selalunya kalau balik, mesti semua tunggu kaklong balik. But who knew there would come a day where I had to come back home to my sister's death. Selama ni baca tentang kematian, aku fikir if it was to happen to me, aku akan kuat. Tetapi ya Allah, engkau sahaja tahu apa yang aku rasa ketika itu. Naik komuter alone, crying all the way from Nilai to Seremban, and hailed a taxi straight to the hospital to be met with the image of my mother's frail form, crying like she had never cried before. The moment i laid eyes on my mother, aku terus rapuh.

It's true. Agun betul dah takde.

Jantung aku rasa macam nak pecah, air mata tak henti mengalir. My best friend of seventeen years, dah pergi menghadap ilahi. For once, she was one step ahead of me.

That was the most horrifying moment in my life. Dia dah pergi meninggalkan kita semua for 19 days now. Things are ok. It gets better. It will. Aku percaya dengan ketentuanNya. She's in better care.

You are forever in our hearts, agun. Love you.

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