Ed Oked

 This feels just like another heartbreak. This heart aches. Aching from knowing the truth Truth hurts but does it have to hurt this way Indescribable pain. It's just that I'm getting cleverer each day To recognize the signs earlier than before What do people take me for? A fucking child. Nah it's nothing Nah you're overreacting Do I what I feel not matter? For everything that I feel, being dismissed. It hurts like a heart break. lying and not disclosing the truth are the same offence, we've agreed. You did both. And I am still tolerating. and today I just remembered I hate being cold. Because that what heart breaks feel like cold. and empty. I can't tolerate neither. ***

I want to run away. As far as I can, from everything and everyone. But I'm bounded and I can't untie myself from these bonds.  Almost two weeks had passed, I can only picture myself standing there, still, with the breeze hits my face. Eyes that no longer have any tears to cry, and my hair is blowing because I finally have the will to wash them, and lips that no longer have to explain.  I hug myself because It is too cold. I look in front to an open space, to a space which has no limits and boundaries. One step away from ultimate freedom. But there are responsibilities that holding me - from the back. The space is serene with many possibilities. It speaks to you if you listen carefully enough.  I can't wait to be in the place of my dreams, one step away from an ultimate freedom, the space that's serene but gives you strength, to step forward or look behind.  - April 2022.

 When someone passed He left the world for the better But It wasn't necessarily better for the person(s) he left behind The vacant bed The vacant position The empty seat Was meant for the person But He was no longer here. It was so much harder for the person(s) he left behind What do I do with these memories? This pain apparently took so long to heal Don't get me started with the regrets It pains my heart so much to even think about it. How could I leave you that night? How could you leave me so fast? Call me I promise to answer it this time Call me I promise I'll talk more Call me....... and if i decline, I promise I'll call you back  this time.

 A B no, it's A. C told me it is B Who's C in here. Where? In my head Head is sick Telling tales Kill it What about let it kill you?

Wasn't supposed to ask for bigger things in life If your hands are small To carry But regardless the heart is small too And heavy But still, I'd carry. Love that i don't wish to be forced into But the loss that I could not afford to have Which one is heavier and difficult I have yet to decide. Until then, I'd carry this small heavy heart and let time (and tears) provide ease. eventually.

Harini aku mimpi kamu lagi Your laughter, goodness gracious, I heard them loud and clear in my unfortunate dream. It made me think of you again- thinking what was there left for me to keep dreaming, to keep thinking of you. It's inevitable, never I asked for it since I've let you go. Since I've decided to make myself happy again. I promised, I already put you to an end. But you keep coming back, bet you didn't know about it but you did. But did you? You're in my dreams You were so happy, we were too happy. Goodness gracious. How unfortunate it was only a mere dream. Sweet dreams to you, dear you. I hope your dreams never bring you pains Like mine did. Mine did.

i think I wanna hurt myself........... why can't I be enough? Why can;t i be good? which one hurts the most the knife or the nails Imma keep my nails longer or simply words does it hurt? it has to hurt to let myself learn to be good and enough

Tentang Anna itu terlalu luas. Dirinya luas, unexpected dan rumit. Ku cerita kan sedikit. Kalau dia bercakap, dia akan terus bercakap. Dia kadang lupa nak berhenti. Tapi aku dengar saja, nanti bila dia sedar yang dia cakap banyak, dia minta maaf. Aku tak tahu atas alasan apa dia meminta maaf.  Dia tak sayang sesiapa, tapi dia kisah samada orang sayang dia atau tak. Particularly, me . Dia nak orang sayang dia banyak-banyak, sikit-sikit tak mahu. Sudah sayang sikit pun patutnya dia bersyukur sebab masih ada sayang walau sikit. Tapi dia tak tahu, sayangnya seseorang itu terhadap seseorang yang lain, berbeza-beza sebabnya, tak diukur sikit atau banyak. Dan kau tak perlu tahu atas alasan apa aku menyangi orang semacam dia.  Bila aku kata dia kuat cemburu, dia tak mengaku. Denial sampai ke sudah! Dalam dirinya lautan, yang tak terduga. Seminit dia tenang, seminit yang seterusnya tiba-tiba berkocak. Tapi lautan itulah yang kupilih, dan ku harap tak tersampai ku ke p...

“Angah balik 4.30 harini.” The girl kissed her mother’s lips, got onto her motorcycle, waved goodbye and sped off to school. The house was lively that morning, it usually always is. Their neighbours would often glance out the window, wondering what’s the ruckus happening outside. That day, her family saw her off like any other day, shouting ‘I love you’ to each other, oblivious to the fact that their lives were about to change forever. Little did they know that the girl was never coming back home again. Mysterious thing, time. It’s as if it has wings, flying by so fast without you even noticing it. One day you’re a seven-year-old scrawny looking kid, just starting school, wishing you’d grow up fast. And then quietly, ten years pass by and you’re suddenly seventeen. You’d think you’d be seventeen for quite a while but then in a blink of an eye, you’re somehow twenty! The age keeps on increasing - it’s overwhelming, thinking about it. But the girl, she only lived until she...

I'm forever amazed by how a person would make you a thousand different ways- confused, happy, sad etc at the same time, makes you feel the entire world isn't what you need, makes you feel like flying but your feet still on the ground. The only thing you need is that person. The same person that makes you smile without having him physically before your eyes, because picturing him in mind is more than enough.   It annoys me how everything that i do reminds me of him. It annoys me when I get caught smiling to myself, when I remember funny things that we ever talked about. It annoys me when he is no longer here to do great things together. It annoys me when he sometimes doesn't reply to my text. It annoys me when I cry because I've missed him a lot. But it annoys me in such a good way.   I still remember tho, back in asasi days. I knew his timetable so did he. Everyday, i would create a chance for myself to ‘terserempak’, ‘terjumpa’ this guy. I didn’t do this alone...

I promise everyone, this post is going to be the funniest thing you'll ever had (from me) It has been a week since I become a working lady (Alhamdulillah), mencari nafkah for anak2 noksssss. no. Okay, lets get straight to the story. On the fourth day of working, I've been told that our baker assistant (Bijaya) had to leave Malaysia because of visas issue and our baker, (B--APETAH ok, lets name him, bismak) Bismak ni had to move to another franchise in Senawang. So, basically we'll get replacement persons for their positions .   So...........here comes the new baker- Naren and asst Baker -Man Bahadur Chemjong , fuh! Man Bahadur has been staying in Malaysia for more than 7 years. 9 years- If I'm not mistaken. Therefore, he knows our slangs, cakap ajuk and the tradition in Malaysia. In simpler words, he is 6/10 Malay. on the other hand, Naren has been staying in Malaysia for only 2 years- therefore, I am always in trouble speaking to him cuz he is still not fluent b...

Trust. Many relate it to so many metaphors Trust is like a rubber, it gets smaller and smaller (after every mistake). I do not trust everybody. Even sometimes, I doubt my parents. Because we are all human beings, each one of us has possibilities to break promises, to lie, to tell our secrets to other person(s),etc- anything else that can make one to be not trusted anymore.  It happens, always. In school we’ve done this before. “You’re the only person that I tell this story to. Don’t tell anyone else, it’s between us.” Alas! The whole class knows.      Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker's reflection. We doubt everyone, don’t we?  That’s why we set up passwords on our phones, laptops and such. Worse, some of us even install an app which we can set up passwords for each application in our phones! Ridiculous! You hate it so much when your own sibling(s) go into your room durin...

What would you feel, when you receive a phone call from your mother, who's in hysterics, telling you in rasped breaths that your sister, which was healthy and happy just two days before you last met her is now in fact, dead? Shock and denial were what i initially felt.  "Bonda cakap betul betul, jangan main main!"  "Betul long, angah dah takde!" Immediately after that, i felt as if i was suffocating. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't comprehend the news. Tak mungkin agun dah takde.  She's my sister, it's impossible. Selalunya kalau balik, mesti semua tunggu kaklong balik. But who knew there would come a day where I had to come back home to my sister's death. Selama ni baca tentang kematian, aku fikir if it was to happen to me, aku akan kuat. Tetapi ya Allah, engkau sahaja tahu apa yang aku rasa ketika itu. Naik komuter alone, crying all the way from Nilai to Seremban, and hailed a taxi straight to the hospital to be met with the im...

Now I know how it feels to fail; to own what I've ever dreamed of. When later i look up in the sky Counting stars, then To see you fly I hope you would  peek through the window To see me watching you, i doubt you would. because you are over the clouds, with rainbow and stars.

Menuju Falah Tatkala kita bicara tentang kebahagiaan, rata-rata akan berkata, saya hanya akan bahagia kalau... Persoalannya, kenapa kebahagiaan yang kita inginkan perlu bersyarat? Personally I myself have this habit. I thought i would have to achieve or own something in order to be happy. You guys feel me, kan? So, saya, Miss Nugget Fingers harini nak cuba menjadi agen perubahan insan (poyo je) and help you find the happiness that you've been seeking. *cheeky smile* Kita sebenarnya should be happy despite the condition of our surroundings, because ladies and gentlemen, kita ada Islam, Iman, Ikhsan dan berasa yang Allah sentiasa ada dengan kita. And we should be happy untuk segala nikmat yang Allah berikan tak kira korang ni muslim, mukmin or even kafir! Subhanallah. Jadi, senang cerita orang yang tak bahagia ni sebenarnya tidak bersyukur dengan nikmat Allah. "Aku bersyukur je, tapi ..." HA! Tu kawan-kawan sebenarnya menunjukkan yang kita ni tak cukup ikhlas da...

əˈfekSH(ə)n Signing in to Quora to search about mum (mother's day esok woi) And most of them were not about mothers (something I upset of), But I stumble upon a Question; How would you express love?  The definition to action speaks louder than words. Proclaiming to the whole world you love somebody, is just never enough. Proof it.   //Bonus adds on to da topic of  əˈfekSH(ə)n  Q; The best/ worst answer to I love You 1. 2. Y: I love you X: Aww. You remind me of my late grandmother. She used to say the same {grandson-zoned} 3. X: I LOVE YOU!!! Y: Well.......................who doesn't? ps: spread the love.  pps: Sayang Allah & Rasulullah seharusnya didahulukan. happy mother;s day (although this post is not so daughter-aprreciation post towards ma madre)

if you feel sad right now look at this bunny eating a flower

Pabila hati mula gusar Assalammualaikum. Hi. So i've done a lot of thinking lately. Thoughts like my future and what's in store for me. Whether or not i'll be sponsored to further my studies. Will my dreams of studying abroad come true? Insecurities and uncertainties certainly didn't help me find peace. Waiting for results and news only intensifies my anxieties. What with seeing my peers being 5 steps ahead of me, some with offers and whatnot. While i, hadn't even gotten so much as anything. Nothing. As i the likelihood of not receiving any kind of offers comes crashing down on me, i felt panic building inside me. Tertiary education is expensive, how ever would my parents find the resources to fund me? Macam mana kalau kena masuk matriks? Not that i'm against it or anything but never once had i considered it. Though i strongly deny it but deep down i was getting a little envious with what my friends are achieving. It was subtle but the twinge of j...

This is so me. Not the broken heart part, but the part yang nak convince the other person to agree dengan our opinion. If only I could make the whole world agree with me about anything but, unfortunately never.