Ed Oked

i think I wanna hurt myself........... why can't I be enough? Why can;t i be good? which one hurts the most the knife or the nails Imma keep my nails longer or simply words does it hurt? it has to hurt to let myself learn to be good and enough

Tentang Anna itu terlalu luas. Dirinya luas, unexpected dan rumit. Ku cerita kan sedikit. Kalau dia bercakap, dia akan terus bercakap. Dia kadang lupa nak berhenti. Tapi aku dengar saja, nanti bila dia sedar yang dia cakap banyak, dia minta maaf. Aku tak tahu atas alasan apa dia meminta maaf.  Dia tak sayang sesiapa, tapi dia kisah samada orang sayang dia atau tak. Particularly, me . Dia nak orang sayang dia banyak-banyak, sikit-sikit tak mahu. Sudah sayang sikit pun patutnya dia bersyukur sebab masih ada sayang walau sikit. Tapi dia tak tahu, sayangnya seseorang itu terhadap seseorang yang lain, berbeza-beza sebabnya, tak diukur sikit atau banyak. Dan kau tak perlu tahu atas alasan apa aku menyangi orang semacam dia.  Bila aku kata dia kuat cemburu, dia tak mengaku. Denial sampai ke sudah! Dalam dirinya lautan, yang tak terduga. Seminit dia tenang, seminit yang seterusnya tiba-tiba berkocak. Tapi lautan itulah yang kupilih, dan ku harap tak tersampai ku ke p...

“Angah balik 4.30 harini.” The girl kissed her mother’s lips, got onto her motorcycle, waved goodbye and sped off to school. The house was lively that morning, it usually always is. Their neighbours would often glance out the window, wondering what’s the ruckus happening outside. That day, her family saw her off like any other day, shouting ‘I love you’ to each other, oblivious to the fact that their lives were about to change forever. Little did they know that the girl was never coming back home again. Mysterious thing, time. It’s as if it has wings, flying by so fast without you even noticing it. One day you’re a seven-year-old scrawny looking kid, just starting school, wishing you’d grow up fast. And then quietly, ten years pass by and you’re suddenly seventeen. You’d think you’d be seventeen for quite a while but then in a blink of an eye, you’re somehow twenty! The age keeps on increasing - it’s overwhelming, thinking about it. But the girl, she only lived until she...

I'm forever amazed by how a person would make you a thousand different ways- confused, happy, sad etc at the same time, makes you feel the entire world isn't what you need, makes you feel like flying but your feet still on the ground. The only thing you need is that person. The same person that makes you smile without having him physically before your eyes, because picturing him in mind is more than enough.   It annoys me how everything that i do reminds me of him. It annoys me when I get caught smiling to myself, when I remember funny things that we ever talked about. It annoys me when he is no longer here to do great things together. It annoys me when he sometimes doesn't reply to my text. It annoys me when I cry because I've missed him a lot. But it annoys me in such a good way.   I still remember tho, back in asasi days. I knew his timetable so did he. Everyday, i would create a chance for myself to ‘terserempak’, ‘terjumpa’ this guy. I didn’t do this alone...

I promise everyone, this post is going to be the funniest thing you'll ever had (from me) It has been a week since I become a working lady (Alhamdulillah), mencari nafkah for anak2 noksssss. no. Okay, lets get straight to the story. On the fourth day of working, I've been told that our baker assistant (Bijaya) had to leave Malaysia because of visas issue and our baker, (B--APETAH ok, lets name him, bismak) Bismak ni had to move to another franchise in Senawang. So, basically we'll get replacement persons for their positions .   So...........here comes the new baker- Naren and asst Baker -Man Bahadur Chemjong , fuh! Man Bahadur has been staying in Malaysia for more than 7 years. 9 years- If I'm not mistaken. Therefore, he knows our slangs, cakap ajuk and the tradition in Malaysia. In simpler words, he is 6/10 Malay. on the other hand, Naren has been staying in Malaysia for only 2 years- therefore, I am always in trouble speaking to him cuz he is still not fluent b...

Trust. Many relate it to so many metaphors Trust is like a rubber, it gets smaller and smaller (after every mistake). I do not trust everybody. Even sometimes, I doubt my parents. Because we are all human beings, each one of us has possibilities to break promises, to lie, to tell our secrets to other person(s),etc- anything else that can make one to be not trusted anymore.  It happens, always. In school we’ve done this before. “You’re the only person that I tell this story to. Don’t tell anyone else, it’s between us.” Alas! The whole class knows.      Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker's reflection. We doubt everyone, don’t we?  That’s why we set up passwords on our phones, laptops and such. Worse, some of us even install an app which we can set up passwords for each application in our phones! Ridiculous! You hate it so much when your own sibling(s) go into your room durin...

What would you feel, when you receive a phone call from your mother, who's in hysterics, telling you in rasped breaths that your sister, which was healthy and happy just two days before you last met her is now in fact, dead? Shock and denial were what i initially felt.  "Bonda cakap betul betul, jangan main main!"  "Betul long, angah dah takde!" Immediately after that, i felt as if i was suffocating. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't comprehend the news. Tak mungkin agun dah takde.  She's my sister, it's impossible. Selalunya kalau balik, mesti semua tunggu kaklong balik. But who knew there would come a day where I had to come back home to my sister's death. Selama ni baca tentang kematian, aku fikir if it was to happen to me, aku akan kuat. Tetapi ya Allah, engkau sahaja tahu apa yang aku rasa ketika itu. Naik komuter alone, crying all the way from Nilai to Seremban, and hailed a taxi straight to the hospital to be met with the im...