Sampai bila kan asyik nak cakap "rindu ni......" rindu tu....." Reminisce every moments we enjoyed during the school years en..... Lagi-lagi form5, masatu lah our bonding dengan kawan kawan lagi kuat bcs we were struggling together against all the obstacles sebab nak spm en.

Tapi bila dah 6 bulan habis sekolah, 6 bulan.............. does the topic of rindu ini rindu itu still to be something relevant to talk about? I realized this, bila aku membebel sensorang kat group Whatsapp and I didn't even got any replies until the tomorrow day, somebody came up with different topics to talk about. Well...... i see, i understand now.

Until when you have to stick with the kenangan terindah masa form5 kan? Haha, now u see............... nobody cares about you. You ended up staying alone kat rumah and membebel di group Whatsapp tho nobody gaf bout u kah! Everybody has their own lives and they seems okay without you anymore haha (WELL THIS PARAGRAPH IM TALKING TO MYSELF, DONT BOTHER) 

Then, datang lah satu idea dari ceruk minda yang sudah berkarat. Does my absence/presence affect someone's life??????

i have to disappear, enroll into a university where nobody in your school years are present, graduate and quietly "building" your own beautiful life!

So, i applied for IPG. This guru thing has always become my second thought. Over anything, I wanna be a doctor. But then, memikirkan di Ipg, I wont be able to meet anybody i recognize and tak belajar pelik2, I literally started to build interest in this field and I was really looking foward to it.

I pergi UCKG and passed, then went for the iv which i made myself 101% prepared. But takdir Allah- I lost it. I cried a lot sumpah! Before ni I was rejected GAK DOHHHH SCHOLARSHIP & THEN KENA REJECT IPG GAK. 

Apa guna seh dapat 9 A??????

NO. ^^^^^ totally a very bad thought. Tapi this what I was thinking of when I knew i lost the ipg. Life is totally not a bed of roses, remember roses have thorns and sometimes the roses are too sweet until u get stung by bees kah! Metaphor aku kah! lame betul

So, I just pooooshed (padam) my idea to disappear bcs kehadiran den or ketiadaan saya sangat tidak affect yang hidup mahu pun yang sudah tiada. Cmon Adriana, you're not a somebody yet okay! just a simply loser ed who had lost her ipg and scholar kah!!!!!

In kenkluzen, just dont expect yang bila dah dapat 9 A, your life is easier.. at some points yes but another, i doubt it. Just do your best and leave the rest to Allah. He has better planS. Kita ni ibarat arkitek yang draft out pelan rumah idaman setiap manusia and the time you present to the developer................. u might be rejected or accepted. (ANOTHER LAME METAPHOR). 

Usaha, doa dan tawakkal je to face this life hahahah. Bila baru 6 bulan tak sekolah, bebas. I do learn a lot of things. Benda baik yang tak baik pasal dunia. Kadang2 baru sedar, hidup ni memang tak adil (judgement manusia la, bila manusia buat keputusan). Orang yang lebih mampu dapat scholar, orang yang tak dapat 9 A malah dapat B in english dapat course TESL yang u apply jugak tapi tak dapat. Orang yang result dia tak secemerlang kau, lepas interview IPG TT-TT. ( ahh i suddenly teringat panel bm masa iv jpa-mara BCS OF HER I DIDNT EVEN GET TO PRESENT MY POINT ABOUT ROBOTS CHAPPIE!) 

apa apa pun, redha! This is life (sila rujuk kembali metafora ros ku). Have faith in Allah and just deal it! No sweat okay, masuk mana2 pun tak kisah asalkan belajar! Better to gain something than nothing. Belajar kan jihad..................... walla ed!

[yang bawah line ni just leave it kalau dah takde hati nak baca sebab I just babbling random things je!]


Teringat doh aku punya pengucapan awam masa f5, aku cakap pasal Aminah yang cita citanya nak jadi penyapu sampah tapi apa yang orang2 selalu cakap? "She might not even graduate from school... tu yang end up jad cleaner"

Albeit she is just a cleaner, tapi itu memang cita cita dia. Well, i can say dia dah berjaya dalam hidup because she has achieved what she wanted to be.

pehhh pengucapan awam aku! 

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